Dear Friend,
image from www.smh.com.au
The current economic downturn the world over has caused much anxiety, especially to many old people in the Westernised society.
I say “Westernised society” because the family value system is that of “nuclear family”, consisting of only two generations, i.e. parents and kids (and maybe with a pet thrown in).
Then the kids leave, dropping by their parents’ occassionally during their holidays. And the parents probably have to make “appointments” before visiting their kids (especially those who have their own families by then). They can’t just simply “walk in”. Only 30 years back, grand-parents, parents, children and grand-children would mix freely and often stay under the same roof.
In the animal world, the mother’s love is the greatest. They take great care of their off-springs until they are ready to fend for themselves. There is no expectation of return of love and it never happen anyway.
-
Human society is different because we have cultures. In one of my earliest postings we saw that Human Beings receive more Heavenly Qi because our heads are always the highest point of the body. For the rest of the animals the head is parallel to the ground thereby receiving more Earthly Qi, good for the body but less so for the brain. Just do a simple experiment walking on all fours, you will find it is very difficult to think, especially on abstract things.
Lets take a look on what 孔子 (”Kong zi”, Confucius) thought about the proper/cultured relationships between people.
There are 5 key relationships :
-
between the ruler and those serving him （君臣）,
-
between parents and children （父子）,
-
between husband and wife （夫妻）,
-
between the siblings （兄弟）,
-
between friends （朋友）.
Many people have distorted view that Confucius teaching is that convenient instrument for the ruling class to suppress the freedom of expression by introducing the concept of 孝 (”xiao”) and 仁 (”ren”). Some call it male chauvinism.
Reading the Analects (论语, “lun yu”) with open mind will reveal the opposite. Kong zi himself reminded once and again that “三人行， 必有我师焉” (”… there is always something for me to learn when I am in a group of three… “). How can Kong Zi be “stiff” with his views if he possesses this qaulity of open-mindedness ?
-
Strictly speaking, when Confucius talked about “孝”, he has an implicit condition to it, i.e. “父慈子孝” (”fu ci zi xiao”, parental love and chidren’s filial piety), that parents should perform their 父慈.
“孝”, therefore is a response/reciprocity to one’s parental love. (this leads us to think about those parents who did not care for their children; and how their children should respond wrt the principle of “孝”). (Pls see Fen’s comment below). From the perspective of Buddhism, it falls within the realm of 缘 (”yuan”), so “孝” still applies.
Unfortunately, in Westernised nuclear family, kids are pampered by “父慈”, but they do not have the benefit of seeing their parents’ daily “孝” performance towards their grand-parents. So many of these parents will not experience much of 子孝 from their children later on in their lives, or at least that’s a high probability.
Enjoy performing your 父慈, and put a low probability of 子孝 from your kids.
With that mind-set, it is probably mentally easier to venture beyond 8×7 or 8×8 (as per posting Your growth/reproductive pattern.
Notes :
1. “Ruler” to Confucius is not the stereotype “authoritative rulers” as what most people would come to associate wrt rulers in dynastic China. Just rulers need to possess some qualities that we have addressed in postings Just Government, 仁政, The Dao of Owning Heaven and Earth , Human being (人).
2. In the original word construction, “孝” consisted of “a young person”, a son, helping an “older person to walk safely”, to convey the idea of care and love for one’s parents.
3. As for the word “仁” , it has a “people” sign on the left and “2″ on the right, conveying the concept of good/proper relationship between any 2 persons. Therefore “仁” is to always think about others, not on self.
4. In olden days, the concept of “parents” would extend to one’s “teachers”, i.e., teacher/student relationship is as important as that of parent/children relationship. This is of course mostly untrue with modern educational system filled with ”professional” teachers, where it is more about knowledge rather than value system.
5. In 论语 (”lun yu”, The Analects), Chapter 1, one of Confucius’ students, 有子 (”you zi”) recalled Confucius teaching : “….孝弟也者，其為仁之本与…”, illustrating the two key aspects of “仁”, i.e., that of “孝” and “弟”.
6. “弟” is the brother/sisterly care and love that one shows towards one’s brothers/sisters or friends/society.
7. In The Analects, Chapter 1 (”On Learning”), Confucius said : “弟子入则孝，出则弟，谨而信，汎爱众，而亲仁，行有余力，则以学文 …..”
Crudely translated, it means
“… as a junior, one should respect /take good care/love one’s parents when at home;
one should respect/take good care/love one’s teachers, seniors and friends when outside;
one should be mindful of one’s language and be trust-worthy; one should be compassionate to all;
and then one should associate oneself with people of good-characters.
When one is able to do all the above and still has extra energy, then go on to pick up some knowledge…”
From above, we can see the great importance Confucius placed on the issue of “how to be a person in terms of one’s conduct versus others”.
He regarded knowledge as secondary to good conduct, or simply put, knowledge possession is not beneficial without equipping oneself with good conduct.
*****************************************************************************************************
.
